I am a day late...but here is my year in review with David for his birthday. First off, he said he doesn't want to turn 8 and he doesn't want to get baptized. I think he is scared because his dad has joked with him about keeping him under the water when he gets baptized...Jordan is scared too...good one honey. :-) But we assured him that is not how it works and Shon will practice here and there with him in the next year so he has a better idea of how it really is.
Anyways, this year was almost tougher than last year with David. I thought it would get better and instead it got worse. We had David in counseling and I really did not like how that was going (blaming the counselor more) with David. So I pulled him and things seemed to be fine, but in the last 4 month it has taken a drastic turn. I found myself more and more angry with him. I was losing a lot of patience with him and found I was walking away from him way more than I should as a mom because I was going to freak out on him. David was more sad, more angry and acting out more than he ever has.
Recently, thanks very much to a very very dear friend of mine whom really came to my rescue. I was literally in tears with David. I felt like a failure, I had no idea what to do next. The help I knew we needed to get him was WAY out of price range for us. I was praying harder than I think I ever had for me AND for David. I was asking my husband for priesthood blessings. I knew that this was beyond my power and strength as a mother. I needed something more.
My friend introduced us to something call color therapy. He works out his "story" and emotions with colors and makes a book of his story or what he wants to talk about that day. Her mother is going through school at the moment and needs some clients as she is going through. I have met her mother and I felt very comfortable with her processing David. Sessions can cost 35-200+. Since her mom is still working on her license, she agreed to do some sessions for free! And to boot she knows someone who is working on getting us some discounted sessions.
David has so far gone to one session of color therapy and we already noticed a difference. IN ONE DAY! And we weren't the only ones. I didn't even go to therapy with him and I realized I was having more patience with him, I was apologizing more to him when I was losing my patience with him and I was making sure I was telling David I love him more...I do several times a day (well in the morning and night) but I was making sure he aknowledged that I said to him that I love him. I won't go in to detail on what came out during his color therapy session, but it was deep and it was heart breaking. It was all about his past and how he felt today about his past. I said my prayers that night and my heart broke for my precious child. The things he really does remember and the things that affect how he feels today about his family.
I know my family is blessed with the great friends we have, and David in particular to this true blessing of a friend that introduced us to this type of therapy. We can hopefully now resolve most (I say most because I don't think he will ever be able to forget his past) of what has happened in the past. I pray my child can look to the future and know that we love him with out a doubt in our minds, biological parents or not and that he will always be apart of our family no matter the good or the bad that comes from him.
David, I love you with all of my heart and I will make it my goal as a mother to you to make sure you know what that love feels like and means. I would never change anything about how you came to us. You are a special part of this family and we all love you so very much.
I love you son and happy 7th birthday!
